Marcos Flores Ready to Revolutionize Stoners Football

Much like Che Guevara, Marcos Flores hails from Argentina

Round eleven is not a time to fall victim to convention. Round eleven is a time to release your inhibitions. Round eleven is not so much a time or place, as it is a state of mind. All of that considered, the Partnership selected Marcos Flores of the Portland Timbers before making the following comments:

"Between his Argentine blood and Australian playing experience, we're hoping that Marcos will help the Stoners' global brand. We've been doing a lot of brainstorming, and we're actually thinking about having him wear 'YAO' on the back of his jerseys."

 Keep brainstorming, fellas.

From Mehdi to Kelly

That's our boy.

Local American Idol hero Justin Guarini Moroccan Mehdi Ballouchy is set to join Pennsylvania Stoners FC. Despite hitting high notes throughout his short career, Ballouchy has yet to complete a full season truly in tune. He's been working on his form all offseason and hopes to stay on pitch every game this year for his new club Stoners FC. Oh, and something about rhythm and harmony.


**DISCLAIMER FROM THE PARTNERSHIP**

Normally, we're not fans of extended metaphors or puns. However, we do have a soft spot for jew fro's and have decided to make an exception in the case of this article.

Stoners Add "the Dragon Slayer"

Faryd (right, sword raised) shown here vacationing in Geatland with the French magician himself Sebastien Le Toux (left, conjuring a spell while creepily observing from behind the crag)

Hoping to add a little bit of bite and some much needed goaltending (see yesterday's entry), the Partnership selected Colombian international and ex-Philadelphia Union man Faryd Mondragon with the eighth pick in the ninth round. Known for his strength, courage, loyalty, and resilience in the face of fire, Faryd is the perfect addition to Stoners FC. Here's what he had to say after hearing of his selection:

"After a summer full of slaying actual dragons in real mythological Scandinavian cities, I don't think I should have any trouble stopping a little ball from getting into the net. Have you seen me? I'm huge."

Don't get too excited, ladies. Faryd is a happily married man.

Gaven Ready to Play Field For Stoners

Gaven is clearly ready to be a Stoner

After a sporadic and tempestuous relationship with goaltending, Eddie Gaven is ready to settle down and play exclusively in the field for his new club Pennsylvania Stoners FC. Selected in the eighth round by the estemeed Partnership, Gaven talked about his messy break-up with goaltending upon being announced:

"Goaltending and I go way back. We first hooked up back in '03. I was just a rookie then, and I didn't really know the difference. Coach said if I went in net that I could get on the field, so I did it. I scored that night, but it wasn't pretty and I could tell that a lot of people didn't approve. I tried to stay away from Goaltending after that. It worked for a while, but, in the back of my mind, I always toyed with the idea of going back to her. Last year, Will [Crew GK Will Hesmer] got hurt, so I jumped at the chance to take his position. Finally, Goaltending and I were reunited. It was magical at first, but then Sebastien [Former Union Forward and new Stoners Teammate Sebastien Le Toux] caught sight of what was happening. He put one right through me. I'll never be with Goaltending again."

Yeah, so look forward to none of that. Gaven will be playing strictly on the field. Never in goal. Let me emphasize that, never in goal.

Veteran Andy Williams is Newest Stoner

Andy to RSL Sponsor: "I'm Xango-ing to the Stoners, buddy!"

Fresh off of a fine performance for Real Salt Lake in the CONCACAF Champions League, MLS journeyman and internet fiend Andy Williams has been selected by Pennsylvania Stoners FC in the seventh round of the BSL Draft. Though one half of the Partnership initially doubted Andy, Williams was eager to join the Stoners and took the initiative to convince him of his value. "Haha got to pick me now," he said after meeting with the Stoner boys in front of millions of listeners on the popular social networking site Twitter.com. Whether it was a result of peer pressure or Andy's great poise and leadership, the Partnership were sold. How the Jamaican international's credentials could have been questioned in the first place we will never know. One thing is for sure:  Andy Williams will be a Pennsylvania Stoner, and everyone in the organization is better off because of it.

Ryan Smith Aims to Escape Anonymity With Help of Stoners

"WHAAT??!? I got picked by the Stoners??!??"

New arrival Ryan Smith has been unable to contain his excitement since touching down at iconic Queen City Airport. The Partnership made him their choice in the sixth round. Said the new draftee:

"With a name like Ryan Smith, I've always been pretty forgettable. I've tried telling people I was born in England. I even hacked my MLS profile page to trick people into thinking that I make hip-hop music. Nothing has worked. Hopefully, joining the Pennsylvania Stoners in the BSL will finally put me into America's, or at least my mother's, conscience. " [Editor's note:  Ryan Smith is a middle child.]

Here's to new beginnings!

Oduro Ghana Be An Important Piece for Stoners

Dominic Oduro is ready to bring those hot feet of his to PA

Impressed equally by his speed, potential, and ability to dance with one shoe in his hand, the Partnership felt compelled to add Dominic Oduro to the 2011 Pennsylvania Stoners roster. Hoping he will improve on his five goals and four assists from 2010, the Partnership believes Oduro can be a surprise player this year for the Stoners. "We told him that as long as he's not friends with any of those guys from the Black Stars that beat us this summer that we are ready to welcome him with open arms. Also, we're not bitter," said the PA Pair. We believe you guys.

More Local Flavor for Stoners on Day 2 of BSL Draft

Landing with the model PA Stoners franchise made hometown hero Convey reflect on his days with the mediocre Earthquakes

One day after the Partnership made Philadelphian-by-trade Carlos Ruiz their first selection in the second round, the Stoner boys followed up with a third round choice of Philadelphian-by-birth Bobby Convey (formerly of the San Jose Earthquakes). Being born in the nation's former capital, having attended William Penn High School, and having played for PSC Coppa growing up, Convey is more Philly than a cheesesteak full of Allen Iverson's mother's bling. StonersFc.blogspot.com was lucky enough to reach Bobby via mobile phone as he landed in his former home state.

"I'm ecstatic. In fact, I'm shock. Having been away from the Keystone State for so long, I started to think depressing places like San Jose were OK. It's good to be back in check with reality, not to mention back in the place where it all started for me. I hope I can give this team something to cheer for this year. Along with Carlos, Teal, Seba, and whomever else the Partnership can bring in, we're going to get it done this year!" 

Great grammar, Bobby!

Stoners Pick Local Boy Ruiz

Ruiz grinning ear-to-ear after getting off the phone with Pennsylvania management

The Pennsylvania Stoners are excited to announce that they have selected Carlos Ruiz, a former MLS MVP, with their first draft choice in franchise history. Having waited until the eighth pick of the second round (19th overall), the Stoners were ecstatic too see that their guy was still available. "Everyone knows we love us a Union man," said the Partnership. Stay tuned for news on further selections by Pennsylvania Stoners FC.

Stoners Seal Teal Deal, Feel it's a Real Steal

Just days after the trade that brought Sebastien Le Toux to Allentown as the first player in Pennsylvania Stoners FC history, management finalized another deal that saw rising star and ex-Canadian Teal Bunbury become the second member of an already potent strike force. Forced to land at the larger Lehigh Valley International Airport due to logistical issues at quaint Queen City Municipal, Bunbury was greeted by gaggles of Stoners fans ecstatic that they are watching the roster forming before their very eyes. Asked about the opportunity to help lead an expansion franchise, Bunbury had this to say:

"It should be exciting, eh?"

Eh, indeed.

Le Toux Good To Be True

In a deal that will forever change the history of the young Pennsylvania Stoners FC franchise, Sebastien Le Toux joined the Allentown-based squad in exchange for the team's first round selection in this year's BSL Draft. The Frenchman was so excited to join the expansion side that he hopped on the next flight into Queen City Municipal Airport to make himself available for a late-night press conference which announced his arrival to thousands of delirious fans. For anyone out there who was confused, they were not booing. The fans were simply shouting "LE TOOOOOOOUUUUUUUX! LE TOOOOOOOUUUUUUUX!" One particularly enthusiastic female fan even offered to carry the available bachelor's first child.

"Allentown does seem like a great place to raise a child," quipped Le Toux. "But in all seriousness, it is an honor to be introduced as the first-ever Stoners player. The fans here are great, and I can't wait to get out on the pitch for my new team."

But Sebastien and the fans were not the only ones excited on this fortuitous night. In a rare public appearance, the Partnership treated us with this prepared statement:

"The opportunity to bring in a player like Seba was one we could not resist. What he was able to do in his breakout season last year was simply incredible. Many experts seem to doubt that he can repeat his success, but we have faith that Seba has plenty left in the tank to silence his detractors."

After their brief words, the Partnership made a quick exit but not before promising the fans a season to remember and leading a few raucous chants.

An eventful preseason continued with the Stoners' acquisition of its first player, but it is far from over. Stay tuned for further announcements in the coming days and weeks leading up to First Kick on March 15.